In a strange turn of events, the beloved tradition of creeking is soon to be banned from occurring on Milligan property. The ban is to be made official in early April.
Creeking has been a part of Milligan tradition for as long as some alumni can remember, which is to say that it is a very old tradition. It portrays to the act of “kidnapping” a recently engaged student, tying them up and driving them around campus to eventually throw them into Buffalo Creek
However, people on campus have become more and more concerned with the tradition. They have heard of the violence that comes with a creeking; not so much with the female creekings, but extremely so with the male ones.
Branden Jones, the resident director of Webb, has participated in several creekings, has planned a couple, and has probably had the most intense creeking done to him.
“I was hiding in my closet with two foam swords for protection,” he recounts. “I was then ripped out of my closet, breaking a part of it. I was aggressively stripped of my clothes, given duct tape underwear out of sympathy, and then hogtied and paraded around campus, all the while getting belly slapped and twisties by several people, before getting tossed into the creek.”
Another student, nicknamed X as per request, spoke to me about creeking.
“I have been afraid of my creeking for a few months now,” X said. “I’ve done well keeping my engagement a secret, but I don’t know how much longer it will be before the news slips out.”
It has also been revealed that other colleges are starting this tradition, as many students that hear about creeking stories find them hilarious. With a risk of this “violent and undignified action” being traced to Milligan, several people have petitioned to have creeking banned.
I have recently gotten engaged, so I personally find this a relief. I have been paranoid every night, waiting in horror for my door to swing open and a mass of hands to yank me from my bed and drag me outside.
This is a day for us engaged folk to celebrate, as the reign of terror under the dreaded creeking is finally coming to an end. If only this entire article were actually true.
April Fools! This article is part of The Stampede’s April Fools edition and is not meant to be taken seriously.