Tired of running late to class or walking up Sutton Hill after a long day? Well, you may not have to anymore. As part of the expansion project, Milligan College will be connecting the buildings on the Emmanuel and Milligan campuses via water slides. The water slides will not only take you down Sutton Hill but also take you back up! Say goodbye to the trek up Sutton Hill and hello to campus water slides. Two water slides will be available between each building. A fully enclosed water slide will be used during rainy days while an open air water slide will be used as the weather allows. With the new slide system there is going to be a way to get to class faster and connect both campuses without having to drive back and forth.
“Once we added Emmanuel to Milligan, we have been looking for a way to connect the campuses. We thought that it would be a quick way to connect the two campuses while also making it fun for the students,” President Bill Greer said.
The expansion project should cost about five million dollars. This will cover the cost of connecting all the buildings with water and the power needed to send a person between them.
“We also want to make this as eco-friendly as possible,” Greer continued. “We are looking into ways of filtering Buffalo Creek and using some of that water.”
The slides will be in shades of orange and black to stay true to the college’s colors. Greer’s ultimate plan would be to have a loop that goes over Milligan Highway.
“We need donors for this project. With a price tag of five million dollars, we are definitely going to need people to give. We have also toyed around with the idea of pay-as-you-ride toll or raising tuition to alleviate the cost of the project,” Greer said.
The slides should appear in approximately the next fifteen years. If you want to donate to the water slide fund talk to Greer, or find the GoFundMe account and donate there.
This article is a satirical piece and is not meant to be taken seriously.
